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Want More Confidence? - What You Practice, You Become
Cheryl Massey from Natural Health discusses her techniques for improving confidence...
More than half of my clients come to me to increase their confidence. They wrongly assume that it is something you have or have not, leading to feelings of inadequacy, frustration and low mood. This clearly limits their ability to understand and thus ‘grow’ confidence, something that therapy can easily help with. Many of my clients have experienced huge success, read how one of them reflected on her experience:
"As you know I found therapy very useful. It helped me put the changes that were going in my life very much into perspective in a controlled professional environment. What I found particularly helpful was the way that you could articulate my thoughts and problems in a way that I was absolutely able to relate to.
Without the therapy I would have found it virtually impossible to break down my concerns and fears. Instead I would have seen it as an insurmountable task to struggle through. While I never considered the alternative to coping; initially it was very hard to struggle with loss of self esteem, confidence and security. I felt overwhelmed.
What I learned about myself in therapy was to be more realistic. Firstly to accept that I was not wholly to blame, but secondly and more importantly, in how others perceive me. I have tried since the therapy to put this lesson into practice. Try to see events and people in a more realistic way and also appreciate that we can only control so many external factors in our lives.
Without the therapy, I had considered that my marriage failing would be an extremely terrible thing to happen to me but actually I have lived to tell the tale. I'm not sure quite how, but this 'coming out the other side' has certainly helped me to relax my previously more perfectionist style.
Since therapy I have tried very hard to maintain these realistic and relaxed attitudes to certain events. What surprised me the most about therapy was actually how enjoyable it was! Frankly when my friend suggested it as a way of at least finding out what I wanted, I was dubious and unenthusiastic, a bottle of wine and a good friend surely is the same? But it wasn't at all and I am very pleased I did it now.
However, I would also comment that the reason the counselling was so successful for me was that I do think you are entirely suited to this role, Cheryl."
Even before you see me, you can begin your confidence development with CARIS. Practise this daily for a week and you WILL have begun to grow your confidence.CHALLENGING YOURSELF
Challenge your usual patterns and thinking every single day – however small –Just disallowing yourself from becoming negative in any one episode is a challenge. It can be very simple! You might practise a random act of kindness, since helping others is proven to increase our feelings of happiness and confidence.
ACTION
Use your body as if you were already confident – remember that actors can make us believe they are in any role just by changing their body and speech – hold up your head and give positive eye contact. If you feel that those around you display confidence –notice what it is they do that makes you infer they have confidence, then use some of the actions and speech.
REFLECTION
Take two minutes in front of a mirror and close your eyes then for one minute bring to mind someone who loves you, imagine you are looking through THEIR eyes at you. Remember all the things that person loves about you, what do they value, how would they describe you? Then open your eyes for the second minute and KEEP looking at yourself as if you were looking through their eyes. This may feel uncomfortable, which proves you need to do it!
IMAGINATION
Close your eyes and make bold positive pictures in your mind – remember a time you were really confident and fully immerse yourself in this picture, bringing back to your mind ALL senses – smells, sounds, what you saw, and of course how good this felt. If you ‘twin’ this with a body move like squeezing your thumb and forefinger together and then practise this – the brain then combines this small movement with the feel good factor.
SELF DESCSRIPTION
Lastly, write down THREE descriptors on a post it note that came from doing the above – keep this with you or put it where you continually see it, to remind you that you have positive and definitive intrinsic qualities that are loved and valued.
- Private Health Insurance? - I am registered with all the major insurers and you might be covered.
- I have four degrees in Psychology and Education, have been practising for 15 years and have every confidence in my ability to help you grow your confidence.
- Contact me today to begin your journey into self awareness.
Have the life you want and have it now
26.08.10 | natural health
